In the Gay World, I'm Ugly

I Feel Like I'm So Ugly

No matter where I turn, the only images I see within gay culture are of attractive, physically fit men. They're so perfect. Even on dating sites, it seems like everyone is so fit and beautiful. A couple asked me to have a threesome with them but I had to turn them down because I know they wouldn't want me. I've put up ads on craigslist just to have people reply to the ad, then turn me away after seeing my picture. In other words they ask for a picture and never respond back.

But I Don't Feel Ugly


 I think I'm good looking, but the problem is, everyone else is way better looking than I am. It makes me want to cry. I'm not grotesquely overweight or anything. I work my butt off. And I try to eat right, but I still can't reach everyone else.
It makes me feel like shit. It makes me even more depressed, and it makes me feel like I'll be alone forever. That, or I'll end up with someone who I don't love at all, just because I'm desperate.

Who Do You Pray to When God Hates Fags

I just feel like God doesn't even love me. I can't begin to explain the feelings of overwhelming desparity that I feel on nights like this. I've been alone for about 12 years now. I've never been in love. All these things that I want to go out and get but it just seems so far away, locked up in this cage.

So Many Feelings

It just makes me feel so many emotions. Anger, jealously, self-hatred. All I want is to be loved for who I am by someone whom I can relate to and see eye to eye with. But there's no one out there for me. No one in this piss ant of a place I call home. No one to talk to about my feelings. No one. It's slowly killing me.
The loneliness makes me depressed, so I fill that void with recklessness and then the recklessness leads to more sadness and the cycle continues. I just want to give up so badly.